Showing posts with label The Red Dutchess. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Red Dutchess. Show all posts

Tuesday, 17 April 2018

The importance of being Emotionally Intelligent

I could portray a 'perfect' life. It's the social norm as of late, but I choose not to. I choose to be authentic.
There are things I could change about myself physically; My insecurities and flaws. But I choose not to. 
To be authentic, or at least endeavouring to be, means accepting yourself for the organic version of yourself in all its entirety without the sharp needle of ego, injecting you with notions that you too should be everything like those girls and guys parading a pseudo-idyllic life on social media. Their minds are as confined, changeable and flippant as the very boxes in which those euphoric scenes appear.  It's like a game of human tetris; you only fit in if you meet the criteria: Abs, Plastic Surgery, some kind of diet/protein product in hand, airbrushed, probably unfulfilled and chronically unhappy. Now, don't get me wrong. I do enjoy seeing what people wear, makeup and beautiful art and photography. However, I do think there is a distinct difference between content that is led by the want to share experiences, work and beauty and content that is led by ego for status, an X amount of 'Likes' and validation. 



Point is, anybody could feign this 'lifestyle'. Congratulations to those who choose to embrace their oftentimes not-so-easy-reality, you've unlocked the 'Emotional Intelligence' level. Game over for players who thought they could learn the 'cheats' and get ahead. Life isn't a game, there is no winner. 


I believe it take a great degree of emotional intelligence to not conform to an unrealistic lifestyle as well as being responsible with what you show on social media, especially to our impressionable youth. It's because of our youth and their naivety that we should be cautious about what we turn into 'trends' and 'normative' human behaviour. So, since there is a huge amount of irresponsibility, I only feel it's my responsibility to highlight the importance of living as real as we humans ought to, and that's with humility, control of ego and with a good conscience. Not to mention that choosing to be vulnerable and to show your true self is in fact liberating. 

So back to
Emotional Intelligence

The components of 'Emotional Intelligence' as given by Daniel Goleman is:

-Self-Awareness
-Moral Compass
-Intuition
-Empathy
-Self-Management

If we work on cultivating these aspects that are the definition of Emotional Intelligence then we can become better humans and create a better society. And it's possible because if you become aware of your inclination to 'think' a certain way then that's you becoming aware of your thinking styles and knowing which are helpful and unhelpful. For Example, I would have the tendency to 'Catastrophize', and so my 'meta-thinking', which basically means 'thinking about your thinking' allows me to work on developing another habit of thinking. I know this isn't easy, but it's possible. It's called neuroplasticity. It's where the brain physically "shapes itself according to repeated experiences"- Daniel Goldman 

This is important because it can prevent you from getting caught up in unhelpful cyclical behaviours that you may always find yourself in, but never really know why. 
 The more you become aware of your own thinking and feeling then the more empathetic you become towards other people. The more empathetic you become, the more compassionate and calm you become. You see? Developing your emotional intelligence equips you to be a better human. When you're more compassionate you think twice about what influence you have over others, especially our young people. You choose to do what's good for others instead of you and your ego. 


You'll find that people who have been through the wars with their mental health and tragic or negative life events are often the most empathetic people who care so much for others.

Being in the mental health field both as a blogger and a professional you would think  you'd find the most wholesome people, but it's is actually the opposite. Just like any other career or area there is competition. And to practice what I preach and remain authentic I'll tell you the truth; It's very frustrating.

However, whenever people do compete with me I've already outdone them from that very moment. How? Well because I don't reciprocate, because for me there is no competition. I'm in mental health because I was born with a mental health disorder and my own suffering has impassioned me to help wherever I can. Not to mention over a decade of training and experience.



To compete is to be led by ego and to need constant recognition, to support and collaborate is to be led by compassion and empathy for the people around you.

You can have self-satisfaction without seeking validation on social media. You are enough, just as you have always been enough in your most imperfect, authentic state. 

Having Emotional Intelligence helps to immunise you from being absorbed by this inane culture, a culture that only survive on ego and money. If you starve it, then we become a much healthier, compassionate and authentic culture. 


Sunday, 11 February 2018

New York City || Part I ||



I woke up in NYC on my 29th birthday, courtesy of my boyfriend. Never have I been in America let alone New York City.
Stephen told me that one of his top 5 moments of our trip was seeing my face when I looked out the window of our (Big Massive Chevvy) Uber on our way to the hotel.  I just couldn't believe it. After all the movies, all the songs, all the style, I was finally here. The Source from which everything derived; food, makeup, style, songs, film.

My post on NYC isn't so much about what we 'bought' or too much of us taking selfies among incredible sites so show ourselves in a majestic, visual context to emphasise the whole "Look where I am" to shock or impress (Don't get me wrong, there IS some of that). We actually just want to show you the real, more rustic and raw insight to New York. A New York experienced for the first time. 


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4th February 2018

I woke up to the infinite loop of my boyfriend singing 'Happy Birthday' followed by the reminder that  he was now my Toy-boy. I assured him that he only had 4 months to enjoy that novelty.

My darling friend Alyce was also in NYC during the time we were there, so it made my birthday extra special that we got to have brunch with her, a stroll along the streets, and a visit to  the infamous 'Magnolia Bakery' for an American size sweet fix.



Alyce & I

Rockefeller Centre

Rockefeller Ice Skating Rink

Magnolia Bakery





Bryant Park

The New York Public Library


Alyce enjoying her (exquisite) Banana Pudding

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Later that evening my boyfriend took me to dinner in 'Fig & Olive' on Fifth avenue. It was an absolutely DIVINE meal. It's a restaurant that specialises in Mediterranean cuisine, and therefore suited my Vegetarian diet.  I throughly enjoyed it, despite the jet lag hitting me like a brick wall during the main course. Hence an abrupt ending to the 'birthday' photos.






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5th February 

The next day we went to the Rockefeller Centre, right up to the observation deck. It was such a crisp, bright day which meant we had the most clear, unobstructed view of the city.














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Later that day we sauntered into 'The Plaza' (Excuse Us), looking more like Kevin from Home Alone than a guest. The lobby, smelling strongly of what I can only describe as a flower massacre, was sealed off for people checking in. We (I) 'oogled' at everyone coming and going, wondering if they were, (well hoping it'd be) Beyonce. (As If)





                                                                                        

We made our way to the National September 11 Memorial & Museum. It is something I'll never forget for as long as I live. The main feeling I had upon leaving was one of humility and honour. 
I felt profound honour to have been allowed to experience, indirectly, the pain of those victimised on 9/11. Obviously I won't put photos up of the damage we saw in the museum, nor would they do any justice in translating our experience. You have to experience it for yourself.



One World Trade Centre




February 6th

We stopped to explore 'Grand Central Station' on our way to the Chelsea Markets. It was colossal and grand, even if it is just a train station. ('Gossip Girl' fans will know why I wanted to see it too)








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We also got to stop by for a quick  peek into the Public Library. 

I.WAS.IN.MY.ELEMENT!

If I lived in New York I think I'd visit here everyday. Walking into the building feels like you're being transported into a dimension where all the eras and span of time that ever were have been calculated to co-exist in that very space, right there in Manhattan.









The Flatiron Building 


The Highline & SoHo

SoHo was a favourite of mine and Stephen's. We started the descent into SoHo via the 'Highline' which was an old railway track turned walkway and park

      

View from Highline

View from Highline



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MarieBelle

Our experience in 'MarieBelle' would almost warrant  an entire post of its own. 

Snuggled away in SoHo, MarieBelle was another one of those places that transformed you to a different place and time. This time we were in 1920s Paris, and drinking pure chocolate. After walking through the most delicate chocolate shop, reminiscent of the movie 'Cholat', we discovered  a little cafe in the back.

We immediately got a table, because who says "no" to chocolate in ornate little teacups and saucers?! 
We got straight to ordering, and in-between times the attentive chocolatier would come out with 'samples' of chocolate that were just made.

DELICIOUS!













Soho Style

It wouldn't be a trip to Little Italy without trying 'Lombardi's', America's oldest pizzeria (that don't serve chips I would later discover much to the amusement of my boyfriend when I asked "Do you have chaaaaps?" in my melodic Derry accent.)

My boyfriend has a penchant for pizza and so this was one of many in our 'pizza' crawl.



Beautiful Sights in Soho

No Chips


I hope you enjoyed that insight to our New York experience.

Part 2 will be coming very soon!


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reddutchess22@gmail.com
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